Commemorating One Year of Crap

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Believe it or not–and I’m in the “not” camp–this blog celebrates its one-year anniversary today! Back on June 3, 2010, I posted one of the comics I made back in 2008 and then wrote a short entry where I made it clear that I had no idea what I was doing here. 365 days later, I’m still not totally sure of my intentions, but I think things are a bit more well-established and consistent these days. When I started, I just figured that I would be posting my comics on it so that people who weren’t friends with me on Facebook could still see the demented work that I was doing. It would also be a way to relieve some of the crippling boredom that I faced right after graduating from college.

It’s somewhat hard to believe that one year’s already gone by since then, and then I’ve done over 300 posts. In fact, this is semi-coincidentally the 365th post, which means that I somehow averaged a post a day. I know that I can’t maintain that pace once I go to school in September, but it’s been a lot of fun developing this little page into something that others find some interest in reading.

I tried to think of some way to celebrate the one-year anniversary of my blog, and I was a bit lost on what to do. I think I’m just going to do a few things. First, I want to give you some stats to show how far we’ve come over the year. Second, I’m going to point out some of my favorite posts, since I’m sure some of you have only been keeping up with the blog over recent weeks or months. Third, I’ll just express some thanks.

The full extent of my first written post, one year ago.

I’ve already mentioned that there have been 364 posts, and that this is the 365th. Of course, this sort of exaggerates the whole thing–about half of the posts are comics of some form or another. The Herman strips take relatively little time to do, but the actual one-panel comics takes quite a bit of time to draw and color–somewhere around three days. They are far more involved than actual written blog entries, even if they only use a small handful of words. When I started doing this blog, I figured it would be nice if I could just have some people check it out every once in a while. I initially accepted the fact that it would be my quiet corner of the internet, and the number showed. In June 2010, I had less than 300 views. However, starting in July, I started to put a bit more concerted effort into writing actual entries instead of just posting old comics and doing 100-word associations. (I was in Korea at the time and I was desperately seeking some outlet to use English–the blog ended up being my release, and writing those posts gave me the motivation to actually start writing meaningful material.) Something about that must have had an effect, because the monthly views went up to 1,200 in July, 1,700 in August, and 2,200 in September. These were numbers that I seriously wasn’t expecting.

Then once I decided that I needed to stop procrastinating on graduate school applications, my productivity dipped from October to December, as did the number of views. But since January, the numbers have steadily increased to a point where I think I’ve either plateaued or hit a peak that I probably can’t recreate again. In May, I had over 4,200 views. And none of these numbers include my own visits to the blog. As of today, I have around 24,000 total views. The figures blow my mind every time.

While each of my posts typically gets a decent amount of attention the day that they are posted, there are a few posts that mysteriously continue to draw in a small trickle of random net surfers every single day. Then there are others that exploded for a couple days (relatively speaking). I guess that the internet didn’t have enough material on these topics, so Google had no choice but to lead them to me.

The first had to be my post on the 5-Hour Energy Guy from July 2010. It got a modest number of views the day I posted it, but ever since then, at least 2-5 people have somehow stumbled across my page describing how that guy is a jerk.

The other Sunshine Burger.

Another was my post on the Sunshine Burger at Perkins from January 2011. I ate that monstrosity and wrote about it a few days later. The post got a mysteriously large number of hits. It took me a minute to find out that there’s a company called Sunshine Burger that makes vegan burgers. They somehow found my post and posted a link to it on their Twitter account. I’m still not sure how they found it.

My post focusing on the K-pop girl group called T-ara keeps getting a few views each day, even though I wrote it last December. Lots of people seem to search “kpop tiara” on Google, and some of them end up on the blog. Those few people must be incredibly desperate to learn about T-ara, because I tried doing the same search on Google and went through the first 25 pages of results. My blog isn’t there.

Leading up to this last Easter weekend, I wrote about my experience with the incredibly fake Easter Bunny at a local shopping mall. Over the next couple days, I got a couple hundreds views on that post alone. Over 300 people had found my blog by searching “is the easter bunny real.” I think it’s safe to assume that I tainted some kids’ Easters.

One of my other well-visited posts was really popular when I posted it, but has since faded away: My third RA tale, which I entitled “Vomit Fest” and shared in September. The four-part adventure covers what is easily the most surreal and memorable night of my entire life. If you haven’t read it before, I implore you to do so. It’s still probably my favorite series of posts on this one-year-old blog.

My signet's the blocky thing on the left.

If you have spare time, I’d also suggest my post on the origin of my signet from August, and how an old man named Ronai shaped a lot of my creativity when I was a kid. It’s probably one of the more personal stories I’ve put up here.

And then a few others: One about a potentially perverted crucifix (September), another about my deep appreciation of video game music (September), 200 random facts about me (October), my Tiger Mom tirade (January), a post about the Star Wars Christmas Special (February), my disbelief over Chinese buffets (February), and my fond memories of Maury Povich’s terrible show (April).

And of course, the greatest accomplishment of this blog is the cute, misanthropic panda named Herman. In case you weren’t around when this started, Herman was inspired by a couple July 2010 blog posts where I complained about how formulaic and unfunny Garfield is and where I said we could all do the same thing. When I started my silly Coffee Week, I decided to demonstrate how simple it is to do what Jim Davis does; I drew a single template of a guy and a panda and changed the text and colors each time. I did that 10 times without any real intent to keep going with it. I didn’t realize that Herman would take on a life of his own; I had too much fun mimicking Garfield but doing it in my own dark, and funnier (at least to me) way. Now, I’ve done over 110 of them, have redrawn them so that they look better than when I just scribbled a template, and have introduced three new characters while killing off one. It’s a very ironic twist that Herman–which was supposed to be a lazy endeavor–has become so time-intensive, especially when I make drastic changes. Now people want Herman merchandise… and a cut of the sales. I am unable to provide either one.

Even Herman's joining in on the fun.

Yeah, this seems like a self-serving and self-congratulatory post. But I think it’s warranted because it’s an anniversary, and also because I couldn’t even pretend to celebrate any of this if you hadn’t come by to visit the blog at some point. I offer my genuine and heartfelt thanks to you for coming by and checking things out. Even more thanks if you’ve ever decided to post a comment! Random people on the internet occasionally comment on my blog, so if you know me personally, it should be even easier! In all honesty, even though I’d blog even without people coming by, it is definitely more fun when I know that some people (including a large contingent of high school students) are keeping up to date and letting me know.

Thanks again. I’m not sure where this blog will be in another year; it could easily be dead or a bit slow to be updated because of grad school. We can’t know for sure, so let’s celebrate the fact that we got even this far.

Death of a Wookiee, Birth of an Ewok

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The original Star Wars trilogy is fantastic cinema. If you put those films in context, being produced and released during the 1970s and 1980s, they feature some incredible special effects that fuel and adorn a classic story of an unknowing protagonist who, with the help of others, discovers his own potential and comes to defeat tremendous evil and even restore the goodness of his corrupted father as a bonus. (This is in contrast to the recent trilogy, in which an orgy of special effects and lazy live-action acting upstages the crappy plot and writing. I wrote about my experience with Revenge of the Sith before.) I’ve watched the original trilogy many times–all at once, on a couple occasions. I’d consider myself a fan of the films, but not a well-informed fanboy.

A smoking hot sexpot, and Princess Leia.

This is probably why I only recently developed a theory regarding Wookiees (like Chewbacca) and Ewoks (those furry, short, cute, forest-dwelling creatures in Return of the Jedi). Just in case those terms don’t mean anything to you, here are some visual aids:

A classic picture of Chewie and Han Solo.

An Ewok on Endor.

People with a slightly-more-than-casual knowledge of Star Wars might know that George Lucas didn’t always plan on having these creatures called Ewoks in his universe. In earlier drafts of the third film, he was planning for Luke, Han, Leia, C-3PO, R2-D2, and Chewie end up on a planet called Kashyyyk that was filled to the brim with tree-dwelling Wookiees, just like what we actually ended up seeing in Revenge of the Sith. He later replaced this idea of a Wookiee planet with one of Ewoks, who were arguably cuter and more endearing than a creature that, according to Han Solo, “pull people’s arms off.” There could be a handful of reasons why Lucas made this decision, but I think I’ve come across the definitive answer.

Star Wars: The Holiday Special.

You might be going, “WHAAAA?! What holiday special?” If so, don’t be ashamed; George Lucas has gone out of his way to attempt to erase the existence of this TV program from our collective memory. It was only broadcast once, back in 1978. We can only see it now thanks to the people who were wealthy enough to have tape recorders back then. Once you see it, you don’t question why Lucas or anyone else would hate this special so much–instead, you wonder why he green-lighted it in the first place.

Totally real.

I won’t go over all the details of this two-hour abomination. It was a sort of variety show, hopping and skipping between different equally horrendous segments. The main plot has to do with Han and Chewie trying to get back to Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day, which is some Wookiee holiday (that clearly avoids being politically incorrect regarding which holiday to promote). They are intercepted by Storm Troopers and other cheap rip-offs. Luke, Leia, and the droids are doing some stuff, too, but nobody really cares what’s going on with them. (And yes, the original actors are actually playing these parts on the show.) These two stories are punctuated by animations, weird 70s music mash-ups, and unfunny skits by the late comedian Harvey Korman. Maybe the most shocking thing about this holiday special is that was the debut of Boba Fett. I’m not kidding. Star Wars fans’ favorite bounty hunter was the brainchild of the rancid fecal matter boxed and distributed as The Holiday Special. This means that the special is an official part of Star Wars canon; neither you nor Lucas can truly deny its existence or claim that the TV program has no association with the real Star Wars universe.

Boba Fett's first appearance. How did this bland-looking loser become so ragingly popular?

I wanted to show you how atrocious this special really was–it’s something that won’t really register until you see it (or the few minutes that you’re able to tolerate). Since the frame story of the program involves the Wookiee holiday of Life Day and prominently features Chewie’s family (YES, HE APPARENTLY HAS A FAMILY), this will simultaneously demonstrate why Lucas nixed the idea of the Wookiee planet Kashyyyk in Return of the Jedi and instead went for the Ewoks. (By the time Revenge of the Sith was being written, I bet Lucas figured people would no longer remember this holiday special.) I won’t have to utter a single extra word of commentary for you to understand my theory. Your soul will bawl its eyes out.

If you don’t want your conceptualization of Star Wars to be utterly crippled beyond recognition (beyond the damage incurred by the prequels), I suggest you stop right here. If you’re a masochist, watch the first part of the special below. The initial couple minutes are just an cold opening and credits, but I urge you to watch them for context and to see how unpromising it looks. But my Wookiee/Ewok theory is handily proven once you get halfway into the video.